Tag Archives: slowing down

Love Your Parents {Get over your own sh*t}

“Love your parents. We are so busy growing up, we often forgot they are also growing old.”

My friend posted that quote on Facebook today and it made me take a big pause.

Living in a multigenerational home has put the aging process at the top of my mind. I’m not talking about aging in regards to staying wrinkle free, getting a facelift or anything like that.  I’m thinking about aging in regards to how time is spent as my loved ones (husband, kids, mother-in-law, my parents) are growing and growing older.

I’ve been spending more time having conversations with my family members about their perspectives on the past, present, and future. It’s been fun and educational to write down and record their voices and lens on their individual and familiar worlds. I love seeing the intersections of my children’s realities with their grandparents. I’m trying to realign certain areas of my life to be more in-tune with them.

I’ve been talking with more caregiver experts and organizations about the aging process, and what I can expect as an adult to aging parents. I think it is unfortunate we do not talk more openly about this, as a family, when there is time to create an “aging” plan. I know there is fear in thinking about the “old years”, but there is also the difficult burden that comes when these conversations happen once crisis has set in.

My parents have been fairly open to discussing this topic with me – if I initiate it. Part of me thinks that’s because I’m an only child and they don’t want me to be in alone in caring for them  – if/when they need me to step up and in.

I get stressed a bit when I think about this topic and my mother-in-law. Hubby and I are not talking about it with my mother-in-law because she shuts us down if we try to bring it up, and hubby is not discussing it with his siblings. I’m not sure what to do about it – so I do nothing.

I’ve been noticing the natural tensions that come with generational differences. I’ve also noticed I’m not as patient as I know I should be. My children, or course, are in their own worlds and time moves so slowly in how they conduct their business. Nothing seems urgent and they often lose time in doing whatever moves them. I admire this, but I’m also challenged with slowing my own thinking because there is so much that “has to be done”.

With my parents and mother-in-law, they are also in their own worlds with time moving slowly. I hear them telling more stories from the past and fewer from the present. The way we talk about days, weeks, and months is not in sync. I’m looking beyond the current week or month. They are just focused on today – as it should be. I’m learning, daily, from them on how to stay in the moment.

My next step in my own growth…increase the quality time I spend with my children, parents, and mother-in-law – and keep my interactions based in love.

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The week is just starting and I’m already super tired.

I feel jumbled like this Wordle.

Wordle: Adventures in multigenerational-ville

That’s not good, not good at all.

So, I need to decide – right  now – today – how I will proceed.

Here are my ideas – posted here – to keep me honest:

  1. Make sure I exercise at least 30 minutes, Monday – Thursday, this week.
  2. Skip family dinner once this evening – and just do nothing. I’m still on my self-care diet.
  3. Have a toast, with my mother-in-law, and celebrate 4-year-old soccer being over (one less thing to d0 and coordinate).
  4. Thank my mother-in-law for helping with the laundry, and have the rest of the family dig for their clothes out of the clean laundry baskets – this week. Yup, I do that from time-to-time.
  5. Work on my various project, and not freak out that some are a bit on the tardy side.
  6. Breathe.

What’s your week like this week?


Kanesha goes an a diet, a self-care diet.

Did you know September is Self-Improvement Month?

Yup, it sure is.

When August was ending and I was looking ahead to September, I wanted to make sure I was moving ahead in various areas of my life.

I identified five key areas to work on:

Multigenerational family:  Slowing down to spend more time together. Focusing on communication to avoid the bumpy patches we had experienced in the spring.

Work:  Transitioning from my faculty position to work on my personal/professional coaching business full-time. Writing and blogging more.

Marriage:  Being intentional about spending quality time together as a couple to keep our connection strong.

Friends:  Shrinking my circle to sustain true and enduring relationships.

Self-care:  Taking better care of myself by listening to my body, relaxing my mind, nurturing my spirit, and igniting my creativity.

I created my September list in hopes of making sure I was tending to all five areas on my list. By the middle of the month, I noticed I was doing well with the top four areas, and not so well with the last area on my list – self-care. (Now, I’m wondering why I listed self-care as the fifth item. Hmm…)

I found myself excited and working hard on writing and coaching. I was losing time creating and this felt exhilarating. At the same time, my brain was tired and I wasn’t exercising. I had so many ideas swirling that I found it hard to rest in the evenings. I was out of balance with resting and playing. I was not tending to my own self-care.

Then, I happened upon Pam Slim’s presentation on 10 Ways to Maintain Your Sanity While Hustling Your Startup. This was right on time.

I paid particular attention to Pam’s fifth Sanity Keeperchoose wheatgrass juice over a crack pipe.

My takeaway was I needed to be taking exceptional care of myself – right now – so I could have the health and energy to master my list of five.

That day (in mid-September), I immediately got up from my desk, took a 10 minute walk, and put myself on a self-care diet. Yup, a self-care diet.

I tapered my to-do list. I scheduled more time for physical activity. I started eating lunch slowly, making more crafts, and resting more. I tracked my progress on my self-care diet by making sure I was nurturing my mind, body, spirit, and creativity daily. This meant I had to say no to other things – a lot – and that felt great.

September is wrapping up which means Self-Improvement Month is coming to a close. BUT, this does not mean my self-care diet is ending. I’m committed to maintaining my self-care practices and I have shared my intentions with my multigenerational family.  They are going on this self-care diet, too. Yay!

I would love for you to join us! I’m kicking off a fun (and FREE) self-care series called:

The aim is for you (well, all of us) to use the next four weeks to nourish your mind, body, spirit, and creativity – at your own pace. Go as fast or as slow as you want. Stop and restart the series whenever you want.

I will be doing the same activities, with my multigenerational family, and would love some cyber company.

If you would like to find out more or are interested in signing-up, click here.


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