Tag Archives: nanny

Nanny vs. No Nanny

The Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHoA) keeps me going on Sunday nights while folding laundry, tidying backpacks, and semi-gagging while cleaning out lunch boxes with old containers*.

I’ve been wanting to write about Kordell and Porsha’s family planning, gender roles, career vs. stay-at-home-mom, and “nope, no nanny” discussions – but I was shy about you all seeing just how deep my love of the RHoA is. Yup, I watch it, dissect it, love it, hate it – and then write about it (when I catch up on my DVR queue).

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Ok – back to Kordell and Porsha…

They have been married since 2011. Unfortunately Porsha suffered a miscarriage, but in this current season of the RHoA, their doctor said they were ready to get back to baby making. This is great news except Kordell, in my opinion, is too controlling, overbearing, and out of touch with all that goes into raising children and having a thriving family.

Porsha expresses her desire to do charity work, continue to maintain their home, keep her body fit, raise the baby, and take care of her husband. She talks about hiring a nanny to help her do this and also having her mother come in to support her from time to time.

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As I watched, I’m thinking,

Porsha, you are smart. All moms need support. Yup, multigenerational support is fantastic. I hope you set up a great system with your mom – heck, both sets of grandparents if that’s an option.

Well, my upbeat multigenerational thinking came to a quick halt when Kordell told Porsha there would be no nanny care, no mother (grandmother) support, and no career doing charity work. He told her it was her job and duty to stay-at-home and that would be her only job.

I paused the DVR, turned to my hubby, and said, “Can you believe him? Can you believe Kordell is stuck in another era? Who can raise kids, have a great marriage, and career without help? Is he a fool or just clueless?

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Just to be clear, I think women can be working moms, stay-at-home moms, 50 Shades of Grey moms – or whatever. And with all these options, there should be the option to have whatever help the mom may want or need.

When I find myself overwhelmed, over scheduled, over tasked, and ready to submit my resignation from motherhood, I realize that I’m not asking for enough help.

Amy Morrison echoes this in her post Why You’re Never Failing as a Mother:

“If you think about it, if you had a baby thousands, if not hundreds of years ago, you would have had your mother, all your sisters (all of whom were probably lactating) and your nieces all taking care of your baby. They would help with food preparation, show you how to manage and make sure your baby wasn’t eaten by a bear. Your kid’s feet probably wouldn’t have touched the ground until they themselves would be able to carry around an infant.”

Amy goes on to highlight how parenting, specifically mothering, has amped up and there is a lot to do while we have a lot of other things going on – all at the same time. She points out how seeking help and scaling back are options available to all of us so we can stop making motherhood such a high stakes vocation.

I would love to sit down with Kordell and Porsha for a coaching session. I would have them read Amy’s work, write down their expectations of being co-parents, and define what those roles can look like based on them teaming up to create a family that would work for both of them – not just based on what Kordell is dictating.

I do not think I’ll be getting that chance since I just learned Kordell filed for divorce.

Was Porsha’s stance of being a mom with a nanny (or granny nanny) and career the deal breaker?

 

*Hubby and the kids dump those lunch boxes on Friday and never look back. I get it and don’t judge them – but still, I gag.
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Sex and the City 2 – a not so sexy review

Charlotte: “How do the moms who have no help do it?” 

Miranda: “I have no f***ing idea.” 

Miranda: “Being a mother kicks your ass.” 

Charlotte: “My first thought when I heard Samantha say Harry might cheat on me with Erin was,”Oh my god, I can’t lose the nanny!” 

 

We hate writing this because we loved the series and were mostly amused by the first movie, but here is our take on the SATC2 movie: It was really bad; the acting was bad, the plot was bad, and the subplots were bad…. 

Except one. 

Charlotte, who only ever wanted to be a wife and mother since the show began and now has everything she could want to fulfill her – loving husband, two children, wealth and a full-time nanny – was struggling as the “perfect” wife and mother. 

FINALLY, something in this ridiculous movie was real. 

Granted, not so real that she admitted it while sitting in a $22,000 a night suite in the middle east, but every mom we know who has seen the movie (and that is a significantly smaller number than the moms who saw SATC 1) could relate to the frustrations Charlotte was experiencing.  (Big and Carrie struggling in year two of their marriage was ho-hum, Samantha and pre-menopause, hmmm…all right, and Miranda hating her job, well, we could understand that.) 

But Charlotte’s struggle was universal, right there on her butt, in chocolate, in the shape of her daughter’s hand. (True, wearing a white vintage skirt while cooking  – not so real.)  But what is it about a stressed out mom, affluent or not, single or married, working or stay at home, that moms everywhere can relate to?  Who hasn’t had a child ruin a favorite piece of clothing or cry for hours and hours while nothing and no one appeases them, or felt ashamed to admit they were fighting just to find the time to take a shower much less keep it all together? 

In the scene where Charlotte and Miranda are “taking a sip” (scroll down a bit for the actual clip) and coming clean about their struggles with motherhood was eerily familiar.  And when Charlotte exclaims that given the choice between her husband and her nanny, she just might choose the nanny, we were incredulous and at the same time, thought, “We know how you feel, sister.” 

Photo by Gina Rogers

 

From Margot: 

My husband and I work full-time outside our home.  We both love our careers – but even with time away from my kids during the day, there are times when I reach the point that Charlotte did – I want to close myself in my pantry and cry.  Even though my parents live with my husband and me and help with our kids (and we all love this fact) there are times when it still happens. 

From Kanesha: 

My mother-in-law supports me greatly in taking care of the kids when my hubby’s home, when he’s away on travel, or when I’m away on travel. It’s a comfort to know that I can keep things running, albeit in “safe-mode”, and not go insane at the same time. Sometimes when hubby is home and my mother-in-law is on travel, I really want her to hurry home because she’s a nice buffer when I need a break from the kids AND hubby

So we guess the lesson here is that no matter what, motherhood, while the greatest joy and privilege we have ever experienced, can still drive a woman to drink!  (And bring purse cocktails to a BAD movie!). 

Listen to a snippet of Kanesha and Margot’s conversation. 

Kanesha_Margot_SATC2_chat.wav 

 

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