geld 1 (gld) tr.v. geld·ed or gelt (glt), geld·ing, gelds
1. To castrate (a horse, for example). 2. To deprive of strength or vigor; weaken. [The Free Dictionary]
***
All I was trying to do is get to my first cup of morning coffee.
I scurried into the kitchen to grab my travel mug, and before I could even get to the coffee pot, my 12-year-old jumped in front of me and hastily asked, “What does gelded mean?”
Gilded? Was this from her history class? Was this from one of the many Rick Riordan novels she’s reading?
Me: “Gilded means…”
Before I could finish, my mother-in-law piped in.
Mother-in-law: “Not gilded. Gelded!”
Me: “I don’t know that word? Did you all look it up?”
12yo: “Grandma knows what it means, but she won’t tell me.”
Me (sighing): “Well it must have to do with sex.”
Mother-in-law (now turning a shade of vermillion): “It’s when a boy is not a boy anymore.”
Me (getting frustrated): “Are you talking about castration?”
12yo: “What’s castration?”
Once the Webster dictionary entry was read, and I explained the lame joke of the comic strip (which had prompted this discussion), I looked over to my mother-in-law and said, “Hey, we’ve got to answer these questions when the kids ask. We’re in competition with Google. We can’t have any communication barriers otherwise the kids will go to someone else for the answers.”
Mother-in-law (with a knowing look): “OK.”
This is not the first exchange, of this nature, my multigenerational family has had.
I think back, two years ago, when my daughter was in 5th grade. Hubby was on work travel and my daughter’s class was studying human development. During dinner, my daughter started asking my mother-in-law about family health history and female development. My mother-in-law tried to pass the questions on to me. My response to my mother-in-law, “She asked you because she wanted to know from you. Please respond.”
And so began our stroll down the puberty brick road.
When my mother-in-law came to live with us, I don’t imagine she was anticipating going through puberty, again, with her son, daughter-in-law, and oldest granddaughter, but here we are.
I know conversations about the birds and bees were handled differently when my mother-in-law was parenting my hubby and his siblings. It was a different time, different region, different mom, and life without the internet.
Last summer I purchased Judy Blume’s Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret for all of us to read. The book was a great access tool in trying to get us all on the same page for having discussions about puberty. We still have some work to do.
I haven’t gotten upset with my mother-in-law about being a bit tight lipped about human development because I think she’s wondering how appropriate it is for her, as the grandmother, to be educating my kids about this. I have been confused by the “choppy” responses my mother-in-law has provided, but hey, I guess she’s doing the best she can when she’s caught off guard by my daughter’s questions.
I have taken a step back to have private conversations with my mother-in-law about my approach (and my hubby’s) to this topic – which is – answer ALL the questions.
My recommendation for having the talk, in a multigenerational family, would be:
- Parents and grandparents have to acknowledge and be ready for these questions to come up.
- Decide who will answer the questions (all the adults in the multigenerational family or just the parents)
- Be clear on how much information, during the talk, will be shared. (For us, we stick to the questions that are asked. We let our kids guide us [parents/grandma] in the topic.)
- If the parents/grandparents are caught off guard – ask for more time, but get back to the child’s question.
- Be honest.
- Take deep breathes.
With my daughter being in 7th grade this year, the human development course is coming around again, and I’m sure there will be more questions.
I’m thinking I should have my mother-in-law re-visit Blume’s book to prepare.
How do you handle questions about the birds and the bees and human development with your children? Are the grandparents involved in any of these discussions?
images: For the love.., tumblr
Awesome advice. I loved this post. I haven’t hit this question yet with my almost 9 year old son…but I know it’s coming. I love your approach about answering their question when they come to us even if it makes us nervous or uncomfortable. Good tip. I also love that your MIL is willing to engage and try as well…pretty cool when we were all raised so different. P.S. I loved that book. I think Judy Blume gave me most of my growing up talks…:)
Judy Blume helped me out so much, too.
Awesome and cute story. I received this as a forward from Nawatsie (she’s a gem)! I will have to keep looking you up. I like your self-care worksheets, too!
OK, back to the question. My mother was sure to remind me about talking to my daughter. She thought of it sooner than I originally thought was appropriate, but about age 9 is right for most daughters. Now, 16, my mother is still asking did you talk to her about….” “Yes, mother I did”…
I love that team effort approach!
Thanks for stopping by.
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