I recently came across Dr. Susan Abel Lieberman’s website about her book, The Mother-in-law’s Manual. I have not read the book, but I did enjoy reading Dr. Lieberman’s blog post entitled What Mother-in-Laws Want and How to Get It.
I thought Dr. Lieberman was clear and honest about the needs of mother-in-laws (MIL) and how MILs can potentially navigate the often complex mother-in-law/child-in-law relationship.
Dr. Lieberman’s list was informative and serious.
I took some time to put my spin on the “wants” and “how to get” sections – from a multigenerational and daughter-in-law lens.
Disclaimer: I did not write this specifically about my own mother-in-law. I wrote my responses in an honest and funny voice. My mother-in-law and I are at the advanced level of multigenerational living. We tackled and conquered this list in 2007-2008!
What Mother-in-Laws Want and How to Get It In a Multigenerational Household
What Mother-in-Laws want: Daughter-in-laws response
TO BE LOVED: We absolutely love you, which is why you were invited to move in with us. ‘Nuff said.
TO BE INCLUDED: My to-do list is huge. I’m happy to share it with you.
TO HOLD ON TO FAMILIAR TRADITIONS: We love parties and family traditions, so bring them on. You do know this means you’ll have to coordinate said traditions and activities, right?
TIME ALONE WITH AN ADULT CHILD: Not a problem at all. You hang out with your son while I go to Girls’ Night Out. It’s totally win win.
TO UNDERSTAND WHY: If I ask you for advice, then please bring your A game. If I don’t like the advice and I tell you why I don’t like, please do not catch an attitude. You asked to understand why.
TO BE TREATED AS SOMEONE WITH A BRAIN: If I’m treating you like a fuddy duddy, call me on it. This may mean you and I need to go to happy hour and drink it out.
TO HAVE OUR NEEDS CONSIDERED: I can only be aware of your needs if you tell me. You can tell me face-to-face, call me, sent an email, send a text, post something on Facebook, or send me a tweet. If I don’t understand your needs after that, then I need a time-out.
TO HAVE FUN: Agreed! Let’s have fun and eat bad food while laughing at bad reality TV.
How Mother-in-Laws can get what they want: Daughter-in-laws response
STOP JUDGING: Don’t start none, won’t be none.
REDUCE EXPECTATIONS: Yeah, we can all stand to get over ourselves and take it down a notch.
BE INCLUSIVE: We’ve got this covered in the multigenerational household. Sometimes the daughter-in-law can be too inclusive and you want her to stop prying into your online activity.
BE FLEXIBLE: Just come to yoga and/or reformer class with me. No, it won’t hurt and we’ll both become more flexible (and smokin’ hot!).
REMEMBER THAT LOVE IS NOT QUANTITATIVE: Move in with us and you’ll see the busy love in full effect. Things and surfaces will be sticky, but the love will be in abundance.
GIVE UP CONTROL: We’re all a bit out of control. Yeah, that sums it up.
MOVE FROM SMART TO WISE: We all need to work on this. I think we should check-in with Oprah, get some tips, and try to get on the last season of her show.
HAVE FUN: What about some Jell-O shots and scones?
